One of the things that my husband always told me that drove him most crazy was my negative outlook on life. I admit to always waiting for the other shoe to drop, the bad stuff to arrive on the heels of the good stuff. I wish, oh do I wish, that I didn’t always anticipate the worst! But, dammit, I wish people could stop proving my pessimistic little self right!
To the men in my life who can’t grow up: stop acting like total douchebags about relationships, commitment, honesty, and loyalty.
To the females in my life who want to create drama: stop proving the worst female stereotypes about cattiness, bitchiness, and pettiness!
To the ‘friends’ I thought who have now abandoned me because of my divorce: I guess I was wrong in believing that you were decent human beings that wouldn’t choose sides!
To the whiny boys in the firehouse: stop bitching about every little thing and remember that the EVFD motto is “service for others” and is not “What are you going to do for ME”!
To the truly mean-spirited people who are rejoicing in kicking me while I’m down, making up lies, and gossiping about me: there is nothing to be gained by smearing my name or dragging me through the mud – it only makes YOU look bad!
To the women who had an affair with my husband: I hope that someday karma pays you back and he cheats on YOU!
And to my soon-to-be-ex-husband and the Rebound Relationships: one day you’ll realize what you missed out on – I’m a good, honest, loyal, giving and caring woman who can cook and enjoys sex – too bad you weren’t smart enough to keep me!
However, in my continuing effort to become a better person, I am going to counteract the negativity with just a small bit of optimism: I’m bouncing back. I have a wonderful circle of TRUE friends who have circled the wagons, pledging their homes if I need them, giving me their ears to fill, and proclaiming their (probably misguided) confidence that I am a good person. Those same friends are making me remember who I was before all of this nightmare, who I can be again.
I went out the other night to a bar for the first time in twenty forevers and had drinks with my girls and laughed and made fun of boys. I felt confident and secure in who I was and could just sit back and enjoy. I could eat dinner and have obscenely decadent cocktails without mentally counting calories or fearing that I would be judged for being fat. I could spend time with people that my husband wouldn’t approve of and didn’t fear his wrath. I could laugh and cut up without wondering if people were laughing AT me. I could have a few beers and dance and chat with strangers. It was a shadow of who I used to be. Things are looking up!
It is good to be so positive! Good for you! Break ups truly are the hardest things to go through. I honestly feel like it is even harder than child birth because at least once you give birth, you have this incredible gift. When you go through a divorce – you feel like you have nothing. You are empty – missing, to some people, the best part of them (I felt that way) but it is good you realize how great YOU are! It sounds like you are a really giving woman who enjoys to take care of the people you love (I am the same way!). You also seem like you are a lot of fun 😉 and very funny! You will totally meet the most amazing man who will love you better than anyone you have ever known. The one thing I have learned from all the break ups in my life is that the next person always loves you better. Maybe not more – defly not the same way – but always, always better. Keep it up!