Those Crazy Expectations

“I believe I’ve spent my life expecting people to behave in a certain way. I believe that when they didn’t behave according to my expectations, I became angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful. I believe these expectations are the reason I’ve been angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful more than I care to admit. As a result, I now believe my expectations are the real problem.”  ~Chuck Lorre Vanity Card~

How often do we find ourselves shaking our heads, wondering “what the hell just happened?” or “how did I end up here?”. This quote got me to thinking if, instead of looking to other people’s shortcomings for the answers to these questions, we need to look instead at what we are expecting of them.

I grew up in a house that had very strong expectations of me. I was expected to stay out of trouble, to behave myself in public, to stay away from bad influences, to get good grades, to be respectful of my elders, to tell the truth and to be nice to those less fortunate than myself. I am grateful to my parents for these high expectations – they are what has made me a decent, contributing member of society. Subsequently, though, I continue to set very high standards for myself – and failure is simply unacceptable.

It has not been until recently that I realized perhaps I expect too much of those around me too. Am I setting myself up for disappointment to expect the people that I love to love me back, to expect people to be kind to me when I am kind to them, to expect respectful treatment from the people I work with, volunteer with, live with? Have I set the bar too high?

It disappoints me when I see my friends keep themselves in toxic relationships and situations because they can’t or won’t get out. It disappoints me when I see animals abused or neglected. It disappoints me to witness children behaving like brats. It disappoints me when my loved ones turn a blind eye to my pain because it is messy and troublesome. It disappoints me to see men I respect cheating on their spouses. It disappoints me when people act like ignorant dumbasses just because they’re too damn lazy to think for themselves. It disappoints me to witness racism and intolerance from people who should know better. It disappoints me when skinny girls say they are fat. It disappoints me when parents complain about their children, as there are some of us that will never be blessed with kids. It disappoints me when my friends make dumb choices and hurt those that they love. It disappoints me when I see someone I love in pain and no one stepping up to help them.

So, my new philosophy is now to think of these disappointments not as shortcomings on the other person’s part but instead as examples of my too-high standards. If I simply sit back and accept others as they are and not expect anything from them, then I can’t be disappointed. I think this will make me happier and more tolerant of others and should sharply decrease my list of things to complain about. Yay, good news for all parties!

P.S. – If any of you aren’t familiar with the wonderful television that Chuck Lorre has produced, then you have really missed out on some smart comedies. My all-time favorite is “Big Bang Theory,” which follows a bunch of socially-inept scientists living in Los Angeles – Thursday nights, check it out! But the most interesting part of Chuck Lorre’s work are the vanity cards that appear for a brief moment at the end of every episode of every show he’s been a part of. Check out the index of his vanity cards – you might really enjoy them – they’re even more random than I am.

Advertisements