“The Help” – How Far Have We Really Come…?

Back when it first came out, I went with one of my best friends to see the movie “The Help.” I recently just re-viewed it in the hopes of trying to catch some of the more subtle nuances that I might have missed in the first viewing. I have also now read the book on which the movie was based and can tell you that it is as good as the movie. I will try not to spoil anything in the plot  – but if you haven’t seen it or read the book, you might want to wait to read this.

The setting of the story is the Jim Crow South in the summer of 1963. Not only a dangerous time in American history but also a dangerous topic for moviemaking – especially in our politically-correct, hyper-sensitive, still-racially-charged society. I admire any film maker that can tackle these subjects in any way and, while I do admit to some flaws in the movie, I still think it was one of those movies that made you stop and <gasp> think!

This is not a character review or a literary analysis of the storyline – I will leave that sort of thing to the experts. What I want to do is examine the issues raised in this movie and ask the important question – how far have we really come? What advancements have we made, as a society, since the moments captured in this story?

Race Issues

• The Home Health Sanitation Initiative created by Hilly, to encourage separate bathrooms and sanitary areas for blacks and whites, is the perfect example of prejudice and intolerance shrouded in ‘science’ and ‘governmental policy’. Not unlike the Patriot Act or some of the anti-immigration legislation of our modern times, these types of policies are designed to create a sense of exclusion and delineating the differences between “us” and “them.”

• The Sanitation Initiative hinges on the idea of ‘protecting your home, protecting yourself’ from those who simply look different – fear-mongering at its most hypocritical, considering that those people who you are trying to “protect” from are in fact serving daily in your home. Again, not unlike the anti-immigration laws which try to exclude those (and ‘protect our borders’) from those that serve us every day in restaurants, grocery stores and thousands of other businesses that we could not survive without.

• Hilly’s mother, after one of Hilly’s most vitriolic and apalling statements towards Minny (her black maid), states that “Daddy ruined you” – implying that the father was the openly racist parent in the home. This illustrates what psychologists have long theorized – prejudice as a learned behavior, not an inherent personal trait. Children are taught to hate and usually will be intolerant towards the people that their parents hate. This should sound familiar to our generation – the prejudice now extends beyond blacks into Muslims and Hispanics. Think about what you hear parents say to their children about people who look or act differently – then wonder what lessons those children are really learning?

• Threaded throughout the movie are those awkward moments in which Skeeter forgets that she can’t share normal everyday events with her black friends in public in the Jim Crow South. The social stigma attached to ‘intermingling’, even during such mundane activities as sharing a meal, riding in the same car, or even conversing on matters other than groceries and cleaning was tantamount to social suicide for those caught doing it – on both sides of the racial divide. Interestingly, as the former wife of a black man, I am fascinated by this particular concept – I can’t even comprehend that there was a time when it would have been illegal to even share a meal (let alone a bed) with a black man. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke of his dream that one day we could “sit down together at the table of brotherhood.” This intermingling is now no longer illegal BUT I find that there are still some serious barriers up between the races – we can legally sit at the same table but how often do we do it? Are we still confining ourselves to our own communities and missing the opportunity to enrich our lives with diversity?

• Minny asks Skeeter, who is writing the book from the perspective of the help, “what makes you think colored people need your help?” For whatever motivation Skeeter has for writing the book (other than her obvious goal to be a serious writer) the assumption was there that her actions was some sort of perverse philanthropy to the black maids. Fast forward 30 years to the creation of affirmative action – which you may or may not agree with – and the presumption that this racially-based assistance is a reparation system for past evils. What makes us white folk think that the minority communities need their charity or their help?

• Hilly, who is perhaps one of the most cartoonish icons of the suburban white housewife with the prejudices of a common hillbilly, tells Skeeter that she is no threat but that she needs to be careful because “there are real racists in this town.” What truly makes me giggle is that, in Hilly’s mind, she isn’t a raging racist herself – which couldn’t be farther from the truth. But how many times have you heard someone make an off-color racial joke or call someone a derogatory name – and then follow it up with “but I’m not a racist or anything”? We somehow think that prejudice is on a sliding scale and that we MUST be on the lower end compared to, say, the Klan – and that we’ll be ok as long as we don’t start burning crosses. Hilly may be genteel and well-mannered in her prejudice – but that doesn’t make her (or us) any better than the charming skinheads in their white sheets.

• The sight of Aibileen and Henry running for home and safety after the assasination of Medgar Evers sickens me – what is it to feel that sort of abject terror? What must that be like, to know that your life is endangered for something as inconsequential and uncontrollable as the color of your skin?

• When Yula Mae is being arrested, Aibileen tells her not to fight, to go quietly. I don’t think this was any sort of homage to Dr. King’s message of nonviolence and peaceful protest – this is, I am sure, Aibileen’s purely practical advice on not riling the white police officers. Aibileen lived enough in the real world to realize that blatant resistance to authority will, at best, be an exercise in futility and, at worst, lead to violence or death. Have we really improved our relationships with our authority figures to no longer fear the system? As a woman who deals daily with “the good old boys’ club” and the bullying of a well-connected man, I can tell you that it is easier and safer to shut your mouth and suffer silently. People all over this country are stuck in abusive relationships, financially crises, and helpless situations because those in authority can’t or won’t help them.

Gender Issues

• Skeeter, the young female protagonist, is a recent college graduate who is excited to be taking her first job in what she hopes will become a burgeoning journalism career. Unlike her lifelongfriends, who have become wives and mothers, Skeeter envisions a life for herself in which she makes something different of herself than that which society expects. As Aibileen tells us in Skeeter’s introduction, Skeeter has “no man, no babies” and that is how she is defined as a person. When told that she is unlike any other woman because she says what she’s thinking, Skeeter does not cower or apologize – she states that she has plenty to say! Yet the women around Skeeter (until after the book comes out, when her mother appears to come around) spend a lot of time trying to silence Skeeter’s voice.
• Then there is the idea that motherhood is not only an ideal rite of womanhood but one that women should compete to achieve quickly. “Once Miss Hilly had a baby, every girl at the bridge table wanted one too.” And while that has stalled a bit in modern times, we are now just encouraged to wait until later in life, not to abandon the idea of motherhood altogether if we want to. We are told that we’ll want babies someday and to just be patient – we are NOT told that it’d be ok if we just go through life spoiling someone else’s children.
• “Eugenia, your eggs are dying. Would it kill you to go on a date?” What is so great about dating, let me ask you? I’ve done 2 different rounds of it at 2 completely different phases of my life and it isn’t all that fun. No single female ardently desires to do the bar scene and the meat market, no matter what they may tell you! And that famed biological clock ticking mentality is still alive and kicking – we are told we must find someone before we get “too old” or “too worn out.”
• And, of course, when Skeeter explains that dating (with marriage as the end goal) isn’t a priority, her mother then immediately begins to question if she is a lesbian. That still happens, don’t be fooled. As an almost-middle-aged woman, I have to be careful to refer to my other half as my BOYfriend, otherwise people make the assumption that my life partner is a woman. Because, of course, a woman that chooses to remain single and independent must be a lesbian <insert sarcasm here>.
• Skeeter’s mother’s almost-obsessive emphasis on clothes, hair, and other elements of physical beauty has not changed either. Skeeter is considered the social oddity, considered so different from her peers because she is not wrapped up in hair, makeup, clothes or catching a husband. Sound familiar to any of my generation’s women?
• Stuart admits in one breath that he admires Skeeter’s outspokenness, her quick mind, and her independence but then remarks that she is like no other woman – seems to be a backhanded compliment to me. He compliments her on her writing but, when her book is published and she is a successful author, he leaves her. Why is it that, even in fiction, a smart woman can’t win the handsome prince?

Some of the themes in this movie are relatively universal for all women, regardless of what time period and what socioeconomic or racial communities they came of age in – sister-friends, bonding through food, cattiness and competition, and facing the ‘mean girls’. The Hilly character is perfectly crafted to be the adult version of that one girl that we all hated in high school – primarily because she represented the worse elements of humanity possibly.

Class Issues

• The Celia Foote character paints a painful picture of exclusion based on her “white trash” status in the community. It is painful to watch how isolated and alone she feels, how she struggles to try to adjust to being wealthy and interact with people who go out of their way to show her what “place” they think she belongs in. If you ever think that we’ve evolved as a society beyond this, spend an afternoon at a country club or a yacht club or visit places like The Hamptons or Talbot County, Maryland – the elite can still make you feel as though you don’t belong.
• Statements like “with them, it’s all about money” is simply a way to justify keeping people in positions of servitude and menial labor. In the movie this is said about the black maids but I think, if we listened long enough, we’d hear that phrase in our present day to describe the hispanic population.
• And sadly, the Hilly’s of the world still exist, trying to make those that they feel are beneath them feel it – the humiliation tactics, the thrill of inspiring helplessness, the emotional abuse inflicted simply for amusement, the superciliousness and assumed superiority. Is anybody else thinking about our President right now…?

But there’s hope…

In case you fear, my gentle readers, that I walked away from this movie with no hope of redemption for the human race, fear not.

“You is kind, you is smart, you is important” – this simple phrase taught by Aibileen, the black nurse, to her young white charge Mae Mobley – I think we ALL could benefit from this daily reminder.

There are some of us, like Skeeter, who do care about their fellow human beings, who are uncomfortable with accepting things as they are. As Skeeter says, “maybe things can change” and I’d like to think I’m not the only one that hears this cry of hope as a call to action. Skeeter, in her quest to give a voice to the voiceless, to share their perspective, should serve as an inspiration to all of us. I understand the maids’ reluctance to help her as it truly was “a hell of a risk” and the danger of repercussions was very real. But they all soldiered on and refused to cave to the fear and intimidation and personal loss.

The maid Constantine was right when she observed that “ugly is something that grows up inside you…”. The key, though, is to overcome that ugly, to be stronger and braver and not let the hate win. Actually, Constantine is one wise lady as she also asks  “Am I going to believe all them bad things those fools say about me today?” She can overcome hate and prejudice by sheer force of will – I’m jealous of that strength, honestly.

But it is Aibilieen who most defines the courage needed to make changes: “God says we need to love our enemies. It hard to do. But it can start by telling the truth. No one had ever asked me what it feel like to be me. Once I told the truth about that, I felt free.”

The life lessons to take away from this movie: courage is to be admired, never let others wound your spirit and your soul, ignorance won’t ever go away but you don’t have to blindly accept it, decent people do still exist in the world, mothers come around to accepting our lives, mean girls will get their comeuppances in the end, true friends come in all colors/shapes/sizes, people are grateful for the kindnesses you show them, and strong independent woman do not need a man!

THE END

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