My regular readers will have noticed that I have been absent from my keyboard for an unforgivable lapse in time. I have been busily preparing for what (I hope) has become a turning point in my journey on this planet. After 30+ years of being an overweight American, I made the very difficult decision (and even more difficult process) to have a roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery. It has taken me a long time to work up the courage to publicly admit that I had chosen this path – so please be gentle in the cyber commenting. I had the surgery done last Thursday and am now waiting anxiously for the pounds to come off…
Where do I begin in my story of being fat? I was born at 10 pounds – a big girl from the start – and have just kept going from there! As part of the psychological process of preparing for my surgery, I had to sit down and create a timeline of all the different diets, weight loss medications, fads, programs, and support groups that I have used on my journey to become thin. This was an amazingly enlightening experience, as I realized that this truly has been a lifelong struggle – my list was over 4 pages long and my first diet was when I was in 3rd GRADE! And, I am sorry to say, the world around me wasn’t prepared to accept my size. High schoolers are not known for their kindness or compassion – and being the fat kid all the way through school was rough. Hence, I have major self-esteem and self-confidence issues and some pretty heavy body image baggage to carry. I don’t blame anyone else for those emotional issues but myself – if I were a stronger person I would have learned to deal with things differently and I wouldn’t let my physical appearance effect how I think of myself. It is a struggle daily for me, to this day, to be a fat person in a thin world.
When I did mention to some of those nearest, dearest, and most important to me what I was doing with the surgery, I actually heard two different people tell me that I was taking the “easy way out” and that I could lose the weight if I just tried harder. Obviously, with that list I created, I think I can prove I have tried as hard as humanly possible and just couldn’t do it!
This was the perfect time in my life to move forward with this. My husband left me almost 2 years ago for another woman and I had spent the last 10 years of my life with him, feeling pretty bad about myself. I hit my birthday with a vengeance this past summer and began to get very scared that I was going to grow old and fat and totally alone. The “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up” commercials began to give me nightmares as I visualized myself living like that, alone with my cats and growing ever-fatter. I didn’t want to become Gilbert Grape’s mother! And I realized that I have been playing a pretty scary game of Russian roulette with my health – morbid obesity leads to massive strokes, heart problems, joint issues, liver and kidney breakdown, etc. And the final straw was when I realized that I couldn’t do some things that I really wanted to because I was too damn fat. I want to get out and be active and live a long life (hey Talbot Fair Plays, are you paying attention?!)! I also don’t want to be The Fat Chick anymore – I want to have a positive body image and the self-confidence of knowing that I am beautiful and healthy.
So that’s how I got here. And I can tell you right here and right now that this is NOT an easy decision!! Nothing about this journey has been EASY! You have to go through 6 months of nutritional counseling and dieting before the insurance companies will even consider you. Then you have to have a battery of tests to make sure you’re healthy enough – cardiologists, gynecologists, internists, nutritionists, psychologists and on and on and on. THEN, once you’ve done all that, you have to do all the preop testing – 37 different blood tests, EKGs, pregnancy tests, upper GIs, xrays, CT scans (I think, by the time this is over and done with, I will have tried every imaginable piece of equipment available at Shore Health). It is only then that you get to actually go have the surgery done – and I encourage every one of you to click on the link and see exactly what it is they have done to my guts. It will force you to respect the millions of people like me who have put their bodies through this! And now, 7 days out from surgery, I can tell you it STILL isn’t easy. I can only eat 2-3 mouthfuls of food at a time, I have to drink my weight in water and protein supplements, and I have a pill chest for daily meds that you could pack a Buick into. I will have to take supplements and vitamins for the rest of my life and live forever on a small-portion, protein-forward, sweets-forbidden diet.
So, to those of you who might think I’ve taken the “easy way” to becoming skinny, I can assure you I haven’t. I’ve chosen the only option I had available to give me a longer, healthier life. I’m very excited about this exciting new path in my journey and I can’t wait for what lies ahead!
best to you (;
There is nothing easy about being healthy or becoming healthy. Gastric bypass isn’t a vanity “procedure.” It’s not Botox. You have documented well what is a serious lifestyle change the comes with serious lifelong commitments. Mad props to you for getting healthier!
Kick ass, lady!
Hugs,
Former-couch-potato-turned-runner
Hi Becky: I just heard this weekend about your surgery and can identify with your experience in elementary,junior and senior high school. I was a year ahead of myself in school but larger and taller than most of my classmates. I was immature for my age but looked physically more mature. It was a very hard road for me as well. I admire your decision as I have battled being overweight all of my life except for the three years before I met Ken and had lost 35 lbs through Weight Watchers. i ended up gaining all my weight back plus 30 more pounds over the last twenty years and can certainly identify with many of your feelings and thoughts. I know this was not a decision you made lightly and have had several of my former coworkers who had the same surgery. Those who were young as you are have been very successful. I know you can be successful. You are a wonderful, beautfiul and giving person inside and out and I wish you the very best which you definitely deserve!!! if there is anything I can do let me know. I am currently working on changing my lifestyle via a Transitions Life style program and I have been successful but still have another 25 -30 lbs to lose. I am sure you are connected into a support group but if you need some support from others who have had the gastric bypass surgery let me know as I know of two young women who had this done a few years ago and could connect you with them if you are interested!!