Humbly Grateful OR Grumbly Hateful?

 So I was driving home from work a few weeks ago and saw this simple statement written on a sign board for one of the more….uh…fundamentalist churches here in Easton. And, while I generally don’t agree with the statements this particular church posts (don’t start sending me hate mail, I just don’t agree with some of their beliefs), this particular statement really got me thinking.

I admit that, for the past several weeks, I have been a tidbit grouchy. Perhaps its the keen sense of loss and grief I feel for the act of eating and enjoying a meal, perhaps it was the surgical experience of having my guts scrambled. Perhaps its the culmination of the past several years of stress, or maybe it was just because I have bottled up too much anxiety lately and it’s starting to manifest. Regardless of the reason, I have been grouchy and grumpy.

But this sign gives me a sharp dose of reality. I should be grateful for the wonderful things and people I have in my life. I have my health (came through the surgery with flying colors, according to the surgeon this week), I have a roof over my head (at least for the time being), I have family and friends near and far, I have a strong fire department family. I have a job that I love and which challenges me daily and I have fantastic, caring coworkers. I have a strong brain and a stronger character (hence why I have lived the last 2 years without one single spiteful action – yay me!). I have hobbies and activities that give me an outlet for stress. I have food in my pantry (which someday I’ll get to eat again) and I have heat in the winter and A/C in the summer. I have a wide and diverse group of people that I truly care about.  I have four-legged furry children who love me unconditionally. What amazing things do you have in your life to be grateful for? What people can cheer you up, make you laugh, help you out, cry with you, and love you always? What blessings have YOU been given?

November means Thanksgiving and I think too often we forget the origins of the holiday – thanks giving! So instead of grumbling and being grouchy this month, I think I’ll choose the “humbly grateful” option. Thank you Lord for giving me life, friends, family and love. Thank you Father for giving me a life that is filled with laughs and lessons. Thank you God for the challenges and obstacles you have given me – it has made me stronger, wiser, and more tolerant. I am truly grateful and humbled by the blessings you have given to me.

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The Wonder Emporium

I admit to being one of those bizarre, childless adults that loves kids movies. Those movies are an amazing genre that can tackle all sorts of life lessons in the most simplistic and yet wonderful way. They are also the means by which we are teaching the next generation of people how to treat other people, how to be decent human beings, and how to live their lives to the fullest.

I want you to think about some of MY favorite films – what kinds of lessons do kids learn from Shrek? How about tolerance for those that are different. Or to not judge someone on their looks. Or to believe that dreams can come true. And what about The Little Mermaid? Learn that everyone has dreams and wishes, regardless of their species or differences. Or what about the Harry Potter series? We learn about depending on their friends, about not calling other people names or judging them because of their backgrounds, about respecting the rules, about being brave in the face of adversity.

Children’s movies mold our younger generations by posing questions about the world they live in, by taking everyday problems (peer pressure, teasing, telling the truth, right vs wrong, etc.) and putting them in fantastical situations that appeal to their imaginations. But I firmly believe that those same movies can teach us, as adults, those exact same lessons! Too many times in my adult life I have witnessed other ‘grownups’ who need to learn about treating other human beings with kindness and compassion, about not judging people (skin color, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, political ideologies, etc.), about truth and honesty, and so many others. Adults are not exempt from the rules of basic human goodness – and if it takes a movie to remind them of that, then I will buy the whole damn world a ticket!

One of my favorite learning opportunities that is cloaked in the guise of a kids’ movie is a treasure called “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.” On the outside it looks like a quirky picture with an oddly-assorted yet mega-talented cast (Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, and Jason Bateman) but on closer examination, it is a wonderful life lesson on the power of belief, discovering one’s self, and faith in things unseen. It is filled with some great gems of wisdom:

Mr. Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Eric: All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it’s only an opportunity for another story to begin.

Mr. Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He’s written “He dies.” That’s all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is “He dies.” It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with “He dies.” And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it’s only natural to be sad, but not because of the words “He dies.” but because of the life we saw prior to the words.

I’ve lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I’m only asking that you turn the page, continue reading… and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest “He died.”

Mr. Magorium: We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

Henry Weston: You know, some people… send flowers, or cards, or… give people hugs. I… make sure their paper work’s all in order. I thought I’d try something different.

Eric: What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed.

I often find myself identifying with ALL of these characters – the dreamer, the lost soul, the anal retentive one, the sage, the pragmatist, the inner child. It is truly one of those movies that you find yourself pondering on long after the final credits roll – regardless of the fact that it was marketed to an audience that packs Fruit RollUps and Cheetos for lunch. And it’s a movie that will urge you to rediscover the magical, wonderful, exciting things in the world around you. If you haven’t already seen this film, I HIGHLY suggest you give it a try. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone that you’re watching kids’ movies….

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It’s the Little Things in Life

I’m taking this idea from one of Baltimore’s more entertaining morning radio shows, the Laurie DeYoung show. Every so often, I will catch a segment on her radio show called “Simple Pleasures” in which callers give examples of the small things in life that make them happy. I LOVE hearing what people have to say – and I love even more the fact that we, as human beings, can remember what those little things are. I’m not sure we take enough to slow down and savor the moments that are all around us. To paraphrase George Strait, I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time.

So here is my list of those simple things that make my days happy:

• floating in the pool on a sunny summer day
• a good book in whatever genre you prefer – and the time to actually read it
• snuggling with the kittens for a nap
• a summer thunderstorm
• the new car smell in my (duh!) new car
• the smell of freshly washed clothes
• the giggle of a child – especially when they’re laughing with you
• crawling into bed at the end of the day
• a compliment
• a meaningful song on the radio
• a glass of wine with your best friend
• the smell of coffee brewing in the morning
• weeding the garden or mowing the grass
• being kind to a salesperson or clerk
• a hug
• a familiar old movie on TV
• a backrub
• an email forward from a friend with either LOL Catz or People of Walmart pictures
• finding an extra dollar in the laundry so you can buy dinner instead of cooking
• freshly baked cookies
• a phone call or text from someone special

These are just some of the little things that make me smile as I wander through regular, everyday life. Please take a moment to think of the things in your life that add a little extra happiness. And smile when these things happen to you – they are the small moments that make our lives complete!

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Saying goodbye to an old friend

Today was a sad day in my world. Today I said goodbye to a very good, loyal, dependable old friend – my pickup truck. I bought that truck just months before I moved to Maryland. It was my single redneck girl vehicle, my status symbol. It was how I said “this is who I am” to a new life and a new home. It was the first of my vehicles to ever wear fire department tags. It moved me to my own apartment and then to my own house. It ran countless wedding errands and had the oh-so-inconvenient flat tire in the BWI parking lot at 1:00 am after our honeymoon.

Over the past few years, my ex-husband had ‘custody’ of that splendid piece of machinery. And, I am sorry to report, he did not take very good care of her. She clicked up near 150,000 miles and got damage to her windshield and her seat. The neglect and abuse made her tired and careworn. And, like the famed Camaro, I felt a kinship with my red truck. There was never any maintenance in our marriage, either, so I knew what the truck had to be feeling at the hands of my careless husband. But her frame stayed strong, her looks only slightly faded, and deep down she remains a sturdy, loyal, dependable vehicle.

But it was time for her to move on to another life. I couldn’t pay to repair her to her former glory days – too much damage had been done. I knew it was time to say goodbye, to let her go.

I know it’s silly and stupid to have gotten emotionally attached to an inanimate object – and even sillier for a girl to make her truck into an old friend – but I am going to miss her. She was a symbol of a life long gone and of the girl that I used to be. I will always look back on that vehicle with great fondness and happy memories.

So today I let another part of my past go, said goodbye to another part of my old life and my history. I am building a new life for myself but it didn’t stop me from shedding a few tears for that beautiful red truck and the life I’ve lost. I will miss you, Red, thanks for the memories.

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Call Me Nuts

Wake up, ninety miles an hour
Take the world’s fastest shower
Coffee black, microwave it
I’m at at my best caffeinated.
Out the door, pick up the pace
I’m here, I’m there, I’m everyplace!

That’s how it goes
A day in my life
I’m on my toes
From morning to night
Livin’ like this
Some might say it’s
So exhaustin’ frenzied, manic
Call me nuts but I like it frantic

I’m not built for relaxing
I get bored without some action.
One speed is all I know
Seize the day, yeah that’s my motto.
Maybe someday, I’ll slow down
Maybe someday, but for now –

That’s how it goes
A day in my life
I’m on my toes
From morning to night
Livin’ like this
Some might say it’s
So exhaustin’ frenzied, manic
Call me nuts but I like it frantic!

Things I haven’t done
Keep me on the run
But time sure does fly
When you’re having so much fun!

P.S. – the youtube video link features the newest incarnation of “Doctor Who” – check it out on BBC, it really is fantastic! and a great way to connect with your inner geek!

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The Brilliant Social Commentary of Family Guy

 I have decided that my next husband is going to be Seth MacFarlane. Who, you’re asking me? You’ve heard of him – you may just not realize it. He is the genius behind “Family Guy.” He’s intellectual, funny, and handsome – what more can a girl ask for?

 

I was led to “Family Guy” by a former coworker who would tell me at least once a week what a fantastic show it was, with very smart and snappy social commentary hidden behind a mask of potty humor. After about the millionth nag, I finally tuned in for an episode – and have been addicted ever since.

 

One of my religion professors in college published an article about the religion of “The Simpsons” (which can be found in God in the Details: American Religion in Popular Culture) and the concept of a cartoon exploring – and often lampooning – our values, social norms, religion, spirituality and philosophy was shocking to me! And yet, I wonder, without these entertainment pieces, would American society ever really ponder their own values? “Family Guy” is the same way – tackling some of the more serious aspects of American society alongside of stupid gags, ridiculous jokes, and inane storytelling. 

 

I have discovered a book titled Family Guy and Philosophy: A Cure for the Petarded which actually examines the amazing depth of this show.  Yes, it really is a scholarly look at the religious, political, social, economic, and philsophical insights that this cartoon gives, hidden in low-brow, often off-color humor. Yes, it is really written by a bunch of college and university professors examining the ethical, social, sociological and philosophical themes explored by “Family Guy.” This show is, believe it or not, filled to the brim with very sophisticated satire and social issues. From death to environmental consciousness, medical ethics to political morals,  self-identity to gender expectations, organized religion to sexual norms, civil rights to the Holocaust, this show deals with many issues that many people will usually not wrap their minds around. There are no sacred cows in Quahog – “Family Guy” treats no subject as taboo. It is an equal opportunity to offend and yet equally in favor of diversity and tolerance – a unique dichotomy.

 

Seth MacFarlane is not only the brains behind the show, he’s also one of the major players. He voices Peter (a moronic WASP with the social skills of a newt), Quagmire (the sex-crazed plush-porn next door neighbor), Stewie (a megalomaniac infant with matricidal tendencies) and Brian (the family dog who is actually more in touch with human emotions and experiences than most of the human characters). His characters represent a wide range of socioeconomic statuses, not to mention accents and inflections. I strongly suggest watching the “Family Guy” episode of “Inside the Actors Studio” – watching these voice actors spar with stuffy old James Lipton is memorable!

 

So, Mr. MacFarlane, if you’re out there reading this, give me a call – we’ll do dinner sometime. I know you’re out there in Hollywood where a lot of women don’t really ‘get’ your show – so give me a shot. You’ll find out what it’s like to have an intelligent conversation with someone who can laugh at the bondage jokes and still debate the spiritual validity of the Church of the Fonz. See if you could keep up, Mr. MacFarlane, with a real woman who resembles Lois and not one of Quagmire’s sex dolls!

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What Will Be in Your Eulogy?

From that genius Chuck Lorre:

My eulogy. I know I’m not dead, I just thought it would be kinda cool to write it myself, while I’m alive and well, and stick it on the end of a TV show. Okay, first, I meant well. Despite all the things for which I need to be forgiven, in my heart I know I meant well. I believe that my sins were driven by fear — fear of being unloved, fear of poverty, fear of death, fear, fear, fear. What can I say? I was deeply influenced by a frightened mother. I’m not casting blame here; God knows what she dealt with as a little kid. Second, I tried hard. When it came to taking care of my children, I allowed nothing to get in my way — even a closer relationship with them. I attribute that sin to “fear of being a bad provider.” There’s so much more to say but as you can see, space is limited. I’ll continue eulogizing myself on future vanity cards. In the meantime, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself… and lethal diseases, random violence, and tragic accidents.

Ok, so admit it, you’ve thought about your funeral arrangements. I know I can’t possibly be the only 30-something that has pondered such macabre thoughts as life insurance policies, burial arrangements, and funeral plans. Especially with my position in the fire service, I have encountered these issues more than once. Our volunteer department even had to make an unofficial funeral SOP because of the sudden death of a 25-year old member. The loss of that wonderful young man brought into full clarity the important issue of how you want to be buried. It also reminded us all that every day could be your last – but that’s a topic for another day.

But have you thought about what you want people to say of you when you are departed? Have you ever thought about what your eulogy will sound like? What kinds of things do you want to be remembered for? I thought about that for a long time and here are some of the things I hope people will say:

• she was a great cook
• she cared about people and wanted to take care of them
• she loved animals
• she was kind and giving
• she was smart
• she shared herself, her mind, her opinions, and her strengths
• she was organized
• she hated to dust furniture, fold laundry, and scrub the bathroom
• she was independent
• she didn’t believe in revenge
• she loved her family and her friends
• she was loyal
• she was a good daughter and sister
• she didn’t get angry enough
• she liked to laugh
• she only wanted someone to love her

So, what do YOU want your eulogy to say? What kind words will people say when you’ve passed over? What good deeds, loving acts, and giving ways do you want people to remember you? What legacy will you leave behind?

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Dr. King’s Dream

On August 28th, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered what would become one of America’s most iconic oratories. His “I Have A Dream” speech has been recited in schools and studied by scholars for the last 58 years. I have to wonder, if Dr. King were alive today, if he would truly believe the amazing progress we have made in the last 50 years!

I mean, just think about it – 90 years ago, women couldn’t vote! 60 years ago blacks and other minorities could not openly vote without fear of violent retaliation!  40 years ago, blacks and whites could not safely sit together in a restaurant, park, or other public place! My life alone is a testament to the progress we have made as a nation and as a human race. I am an independent woman who does not consider herself chattel. I vote in every election and have 2 college degrees. I was married to a black man and most definitely went out in public with him. My beloved godson is a mixed-race child and the light of my life. I have friends and neighbors of all races, creeds, ethnicities, genders, and sexual preferences. I am truly awed by the amazing work that the prior generations have done to give me the freedoms I enjoy today!

Dr. King, in his “I Have a Dream” speech (by far the most famous speech he ever gave), said this:

” l have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.”

I think that we, as Americans and citizens of the human race, should be very proud that portion of Dr. King’s dream has come true. The brave men and women of all colors and regions who stood up during the Civil Rights era and demanded equal treatment for all deserve much of the credit! Without those individuals and organizations that carried the banner, we might still be buried under the oppressive weight of prejudice, intolerance, and hatred.

Now, all of that being said, I do NOT believe that we live in an equal society yet. There is still a long road ahead of us before all groups, races, genders, and ethnicities have equal rights, equal protection, and equal treatment. But I have every faith that there are enough caring, idealistic, and fair-minded people in this world to continue the fight.

I want to leave you with two statements from that same speech from Dr. King, two sentiments that will hopefully spur you to think of the dreams yet to be realized:

‘I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

“Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring—when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children—black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics —will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: ‘Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!'”

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The M&M Dilemma

When you are a fat girl, you spend a lot of time thinking about food. Either you’re planning your next meal or you’re feeling guilty because of something you just ate. You enjoy a great meal – and then you hate yourself for eating it.

I can’t even go to the grocery store without feeling self-conscious. I constantly am worried that people are looking in my cart and judging the nutritional value of its contents. Yes, I do realize how self-centered that is – most people are busy in their own lives and own concerns. Yes, I do realize that the world does not revolve around ME. But it doesn’t stop the fear that people are judging you for that carton of ice cream or bag of chips.

Why do we overeat? What is it that compels us to eat those foods we know we shouldn’t? I am calling it the M&M Dilemma. Those damn little pieces of chocolatey goodness beckon us and, once we dip into the bowl once, we go back again and again. I guess it’s the same as the male relationships in my life – I know they’re bad for me but I can’t help but want more. Ha, maybe it’s just a character flaw in ME – but I expect not. I suspect that many women out there will understand what I am saying with this.

The M&M Dilemma effects people of all sizes – fat, thin, skinny, chunky, plump, stick-like. We are all effected by the lure of yummy, fattening foods. We just can’t help eating those foods we know we shouldn’t – and then beat ourselves up for having caved. It’s definitely a vicious cycle. And it’s even worse when you are struggling with a weight problem. You go on a cycle of diets and binges, sneaking food and then feeling awful about it. You just can’t seem to stay away from the things you know you should.

And I don’t think the M&M Dilemma is limited to just food, either. Some of us struggle with alcohol problems or toxic relationships or gambling addictions. We keep going back to things or people that we KNOW we should just avoid.

So, am I alone in suffering from the M&M Dilemma? Am I the only one who is struggling with my weight, my eating, my self-image? Am I the only one who just can’t walk away? I hope not, as awfully mean as that sounds. It’s not that I want other people to be unhappy – I just don’t want to be alone in the struggle….

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Clean Linens and Dreamland

There is nothing, nothing I say, as wonderful as crawling into a bed with nice clean linens. The smell of dryer sheets, the cool sensation on the pillow, the general cozy feeling – if I go to heaven, I anticipate that it will be like my bed on laundry day.

I am also a big fan of sleep. Whether that is the chronic depression talking or just a simple appreciation for naps, I thoroughly enjoy sleeping. My big treat to myself on my days off from work is to take a nap. I adore naps – curling up with a good book or movie, a blanket, and one of my cats on my lap. My absolute favorite time of day is that moment when you climb into bed, stretch out, and completely relax. Often, that is the first time all day that I’ve gotten to just relax my muscles and my mind. And I will just lay there and listen to the thunder and rain (if not natural, then from the CD I bought – best $5 I ever spent!) and enjoy the peace. I am never more at peace than when I can set aside reality and enter Dreamland.

I can go anywhere or be anything in my Dreamland. I can travel to exotic locales or visit my family back home, I can revisit happy moments from my past or see old friends once more, I can experience wild and exciting times that I will never have otherwise. Dreamland is a wonderful place – I can be and do anything – no costs, no consequences, no regrets. Don’t believe me? Then I invite you to visit me in Dreamland…

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